Behave Yourself
But Loosen Up. B&B Etiquette Isn't As Stuffy As You Think!
Submitted by Dan & Nancy Ward, Innkeepers at Inn on Main Street, Weaverville, North Carolina

Innkeepers know the value of holding rules to a minimum. No guest wants to spend his vacation being told what to do.

You can be sure nobody's watching which fork you use or whether you extend your pinkie while sipping tea.

But there are some things to be aware of when you stay at a bed and breakfast that Miss Manners may have missed.

  • Pay attention to check-in times, and don't call at a late hour or breakfast time for reservations. B&Bs are mom-and-pop operations that don't have staff to man phones or accommodate early arrivals. If you show up and hour early for check-in, it's probably taking the only sliver of free time your innkeepers have in a very long day.

  • Likewise, some innkeepers keep strict breakfast hours to make sure guests get everything at is freshest and to allow themselves time to do housekeeping. Says Marg Dente, who with Gail Kinney runs Owl's Nest at Engadine in Candler, NC: "My favorite line (and it works) is: 'Breakfast is at 9 a.m., by 9:15 it gets soggy, by 9:30 a.m., I eat it!'"

  • If you expect to skip breakfast, tell your hosts so they don't wait for you.

  • Treat the room like you would your grandmother's. Antique furnishings can be ruined by wet glasses, candles or massage oil. That exquisite comforter will be yard-sale material if it gets a single coffee or wine stain on it.

  • Speaking of comforters, Pull the coverlet back before lying on the bed for a nap or to watch TV. And remove the sham pillows before you go to bed. Innkeepers expect to wash sheets and pillow cases between guests, but coverlet and shams can only take a few washings before they're too faded. One fed-up innkeeper reportedly advised her guests in her welcome letter to "control your passions until you have removed the coverlet," but failed to say whether guests controlled their passions long enough to read the welcome note.

  • If you have an accident such as spilled wine or soiled sheets or overflowing commode, alert the innkeeper before the damage becomes permanent. Innkeepers are aware that accidents happen and are discrete.

  • Leave your ball cap back in the room during breakfast. That shouldn't need to be said, but four out of five innkeepers speaking about etiquette complained of guests wearing ball caps at the breakfast table. The fifth said he wanted to, but didn't want to sound like a snob.

  • Lois Marsh, who with her husband Herb owns North Lodge on Oakland in Asheville, NC, related her two etiquette "hot buttons:" Do not eat pizza in bed and leave coolers at home. You'll not starve in Asheville!"

  • On the bright side, it's perfectly OK to leave your bed mussed, leave your dishes at the table, ask directional questions you thing are stupid, kick your shoes off on the porch, stay out late, wear jeans and a T-shirt to breakfast or ask for an iron, hair dryer, soft drink or phone book. You should expect to be served. You deserve it.

Before you feel too self-conscious, consider these true guest stories, as related by Asheville, NC area innkeepers:

  • A group of three women insisted on sharing a king bed to save money. We learned the next day that one dragged a fainting couch into the hallway outside another guest's door and slept there.

  • We never put our phone, which is just outside our bedroom, on an answering machine in case a emergency call comes in for a guest. A man called at 1:30 a.m. to ask if I had the number for another inn. I didn't, no was I alert enough to give him the suggestion he really needed.

  • Two nurses from Indiana liked the couch in the hall better than the one in their room, so they swapped it, then rearranged other furniture as well. They put it all back when they left.

  • One guest helped himself to an unescorted tour of rooms. After he got startled opening the door on a napping woman, he came downstairs and told me that I should have warned him that other guests were in their rooms.

  • A fellow who had emptied our full cookie jar the night before asked if he could use our phone to call his son in another state to tell him to call back on our toll-free line.

  • A guest came down for breakfast, drank from a water glass at the table and sat down at another place.

  • During our social hour, we offered a guest some wine. He said "thanks" and took the whole bottle to his room.

  • A guest found a black bra in his closet, much to the dismay of his wife. We missed it during cleaning after the previous guests due to our dark carpet.

  • We found a guest sleeping on the library couch because she refused to coexist with her snoring husband upstairs.

  • A couple kept indicating their disappointment at being the only guests in the house. When they were unresponsive to our pitch of better service and undivided attention, we suggested they call for their next reservation when we're full.

  • Had one guy come down to breakfast in his bathrobe, and was in the buff underneath!

  • I also had a guest eat off of another guests' plate. Of course, he asked first if she was "going to eat those muffins" (Keep in mind she was from England and very, very propah). He just reached across the table and lifted the muffin right off her plate. She was, shall we say...aghast!
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